Monday, February 20, 2012
These days, bullies come in many forms.
There are many kinds of bullies, but there are some stand outs...
There is the standard "out and proud" bully. The one who doesnt care who knows they are a bully and even gives themselves that title. They will publicly and privately taunt and ridicule their victims til they get a reaction, usually hoping it is tears or a complete mental breakdown.
Next is the "denial" bully. They will openly pick at the victims, but when called on it they will always have a reason or an excuse for doing it.. "oh im just a very upfront and honest person.. i tell it like it is.. im sorry you cant handle the truth"
Then there is the "Victim" bully. These bullies are one of the worst, because they will bully you and feel justified in doing so because half way thru trying to destroying you, they will all of sudden throw it back at you and claim that YOU were in fact guilty of bullying them and they were just defending themselves.
At some stage im sure we are all guilty of doing a little bullying.. sometimes without even knowing we are doing it. Indirect bullying is quite common place.. but if you are lucky enough to catch yourself doing it and ceased and desist immediately then you can stop yourself from progressing to a higher and more evil level of bullying. If you can do that, over time you can find empathy for those that are being bullied. You can see the error of your ways and try to not let it happen again.
But most bullies dont give a flying fuck how they are making their victim feel. They feel warranted. They feel powerful. They feel like they have the right to act how they want to act. They like to feel like they are better than others. More superior.
Most bullies have self esteem issues.
Most bullies hate something about themselves.
Most bullies are attention seekers.
Most bullies have been victims of bullying in the past.
When they are losing an argument.. when they have nothing left to say... when they feel they arent being heard... when they feel like you might be doing something good or taking attention away form them.. that is when a bully will lash out.
They may lie, they might use foul language, they might name call, they may even get physical, they might make threats, they might get other people involved, they may resort to down and out dirty means just to get their point across or just to make you feel like shit.
What should we do with bullies?
Bullies need attention. If we give them no attention, all they are really doing is talking to themselves and making themselves look really bloody stupid. Without the victim participating, the bully has got nothing. The bully is powerless if the victim ignores them, pays them no mind, turns the other way and gets on with their life.
The bully may feel like they have won a war, they are victorious... but this feeling is only short lived .. and they will need that superior high again soon enough, a new victim to bully will appear... or they will actively seek out their next victim.. so they can fell good again.. so they feel important... so they feel powerful.. so they feel like they are better than someone again..
Its a really sad life the bully leads...
Being a bully is not a good way to live your life. You wont be able to keep friends for very long, as people close to you will see how you treat others and some may not agree with that.. or friends could become the victims when the bully runs out of people to attack... Some people may never be able to trust the bully, they will be nice to the bullies face in fear of being the next victim, they dare not say anything bad in their presence, but deep down not like the bully one little bit.... people will be fake to the bully.... family will tire of the bullies antics and keep their distance.... The bully will never really know if they are liked because people think they are awesome or if they are tolerated because people dont want to be on the receiving end.....
I dont enevy bullies.
Its a sad state of affairs that they arent happy in their own lives they need to put others down just to get a pleasant rush. Can you imagine not being happy unless someone else is made to suffer? I think id rather be sad and down that inflict misery on others for my personal gain...
They are here to stay.... but you have a choice.
To the victims; You do have the power to stop it. Ignore the bully. Get away from the bully. Delete the bully from your life 100%. Take your power back. But if you are in a physical bully situation, dont be scared to go to the cops! Thats what they are there for, to help people like you. No one has a right to physically harm you. And even a partner can be a bully. Even tho they say they love you but then bully you 5mins later, it doesnt make it right. get help asap! find your voice and stand up for yourself!
To the bullies: Its your choice to live the horrible life you live. You can stop it. You can get back the respect and honour that you lost when your bully days began. Deep down everyone has a good heart. Look in the mirror and remember when people bullied you.. not nice was it? How can you do that to someone else. Seek counselling! If you have issues with self esteem, get it sorted. Its not healthy to "self medicate" by taking shit out on people that have done nothing to deserve the pain you are inflicting.
Bullies... they suck.. totally... dont let yourself get caught up in it..... ever........