Whenever i am at work, i have sex. Thats what hookers do. Its not all we do, but whether its 5mins or 60mins, generally there is shagging involved.
All the relationships i have had while i have been in this profession, whether that be proper relationships, fuck buddies or one night stands, sex has been the beginning... its only after the initial sex that i have decided whether or not to take it to another level... or to lose their number never to hear from me again.
Fuck first, consider the potential later.
Probably not the smartest way of starting relationships, but i guess when sex is such a huge emphasis on your day to day life, for me its what i thought was the "best of me", so by putting my "best" out there first, i thought it would help find "Mr Right" or "Mr Right Now"
Any idiot can see that this method is doomed from the start but for the most part, for me, it has worked well.
Before i was in the industry, i also did the sex thing first.. but for different reasons. Back when i was young,( i didnt realise it until later in life) i would shag a guy asap, because i thought thats what i needed to do for them to like me and want to be with me..
i know, i know, dumb right?
When you are 16yrs old, things are so different. Boys fall for you HARD. Before sex, before anything, they live breathe eat sleep, only thinking of you. But when you are 33... guys seem like they are in such a rush. If you wont do what they expect straight away, they dust their hands off, delete your number and move on to the next girl. Guys my age know that they have other alternatives. they know there will be another girl come along soon to do what you wont. So i guess maybe thats another reason why i was doing the "fuck first think later" thing.
And of course, for the last few years i have kinda talked myself out of wanting a permanent boyfriend. I thought that with my job and the free life that i lead, a partner would either not fit into my lifestyle (and not approve of my job) or in a way hold me back from being the real me.
Things always happen when you least expect it. And when you are not expecting anything, it can be the nicest surprise ever!
It can also be a little scary.. it can make you rethink alot of things that you thought you never would. And for someone like me who generally doesnt like to plan a week in advance, it can make you start to think and rethink and contemplate stuff.. that well... i dont know.. i guess maybe stuff i was scared of thinking about before? Im not sure..
Sooooooooooo.. my unexpected "thing" that happened, was meeting a boy.
Now i say "boy" not in a derogatory sense.. i call myself a "girl" and so a man my age, i call a boy.. make sense?
I met this boy in a situation where i most definitely was not looking to be meeting boys. This night, i dont know what happened.. it was like there was a force pulling me in his direction? Maybe it was alcohol? Maybe it was a combination of the two....
Kissing kissing, more kissing! Holding hands, kissing, kissing, talking talking, kissing kissing. It was awesome. I dont think i had kissed so much in one night since i was .. gosh... 20 maybe? Normally on a night like this, i would be dragging them back to a motel or my house or anywhere to get naked! I did get this boy back to my motel, but there was no naked, there was no groping... there was no sex.. and it was nice :)
Morning came and i thought that would probably be the end of it. It was an awesome night with an awesome boy and i could remember the feel of his lips on mine for many months to come..
That boy stayed in my mind... not quite knowing if he liked me or if he thought about me or if thats all it was going to be or or or or.. well.. it was in the back of mind... A nice thought :) A thought that i hadnt had in a very long time. A nice memory. Something out of my ordinary!
This is totally foreign to me, this whole liking a boy so much and not having sex yet. Its such a bizarre feeling being with someone that isnt in a rush to get me to bed. Makes me think alot...
Makes me think... does he actually like the person behind the sexual object? Is this how "normal" people still enter into relationships? Have i been missing out on something all these years? Is this how lasting relationships start? Can he read me and know that this is what is missing from my life? Is he being cautious. afraid of what it means to be in a relationship with a sex worker?
Whatever it is..
I KISSED A BOY... AND I LIKED IT!
And if just kissing this boy is all it will ever be, you have no idea how happy it has made me. Whether this boy is "the one" or not, he has totally opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. This hooker that thought she was destined to be living a single life, a life as a crazy cat lady, not needing a partner, now i see that i do want more, i do want a special someone just for me, a person to share my dreams with, i dont need to do it all alone!
So to that boy out there, i want to say thank you :) If our lips never met again, altho i would be a little sad, thank you for showing me there is a different way to be and for opening my eyes to possibilty...
Even a hooker like me deserves to be treated like a girl every now and then xxx