Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Spring Clean
A few years ago, I had a massive spring clean of my life. Not only did I spring clean my house, threw out things I hadn’t used in over 12months, clothes that no longer fit, cleaned every nook and cranny of the house from floors to ceilings…I also spring cleaned my friends.
After my relationship with SM ended, I took a real long hard look at my life. I looked at the people around me and what they brought to my life. I sat there going thru my mobile phone contact list. Some friends I had known for over 10yrs, some I had known for 5.. Some I didn’t really even know, they were a “contact” from days when I liked to party. Over 400 names in the contact list. What did they bring to my life now? This new life I was creating for myself. Was their life going in a positive direction or where they stuck in the past, stuck in a rut? Was their part in my life bringing a negative impact?
They weren’t bringing anything good.
I loved them all (well mostly all ) at one point in my life, but as I started to succeed and get away from the sub culture we were all living in, they started to pull me down. I started to look at them and see what I did not want to become. How horrible is that! Looking at your friends, your loved ones and seeing them in that way…it hurt like hell. I couldn’t save them from the path they were on anymore. I couldn’t enable that life anymore. Sometimes even when you love someone, there may come a point when you have to walk away, for your sake and theirs.
So I went thru my phone list…and I wrote down a handful of numbers of those I could needed in my life, maybe 15, if that..and then I deleted the list. All of them - GONE! And I started my life all over again. New town, new neighbours, new people to hang with, a total change of scenery!
I turned that mobile phone off, but I kept paying the monthly fees. Every now and then, say once a month, I would turn the phone on and see if anyone had messaged or tried to contact me. At first there would be a few… I would never reply.. Then they got less and less. In the sub culture they live in, its definitely a case of “out of sight, out of mind”. All that concerns them is where they are going to get money from and where they can score and if you have money, like I did, they will cling to you and call you everyday and want to hang with you..but the moment the money stops, they forget about you.
So starting all over again in your late 20’s is kinda tough but it did allow me to really appreciate the good friends I had. The may have only been small in number, but they were solid. The old friendships id had, altho I loved them and felt like they family, they were “fluff” friends. They weren’t in the relationship with me for the right reasons and vice versa. I think it was more a case of us all being like minded, all just looking for a good time..
It was unhealthy for me to stay friends with a lot of them… yes I used to party.. a lot… and my mates were very convincing and fantastic at guilt trips so I would go out and get hammered with them. I couldn’t say no. No willpower whats so ever lol. It was like they had a power over me. Without them around, I was able to free myself of those habits and live a happier, healthier life.
Have you ever thought about spring cleaning your life? Have you done it and succeeded? Or failed? Is it worth doing every few years? Is it a selfish act? …hmmmm… I never thought of myself as a selfish person, but maybe, sometimes you have to do selfish things to get where you want to be…