When I was 16yrs old, I was in my final year of being at all girls high school.. I was transferring to a co-ed school.. But before I got there, I had a nickname.. “the radar”.. I could spot a hot boy a mile away! I would see them and light up! Huge grin, big eyes, screaming as I grabbed the nearest girlfriend next to me “OMG HOT BOYS!!” Our eyes would not leave them until they went out of sight..
Perhaps it was because boys were a novelty.. Not having them at school made me miss them and feel very “boy crazy”.. they were always on my mind and that’s not an exaggeration lol.
I had a different crush every week.. Some crushes lasted a minute, some lasted a year, but only from a distance. We did the typical teenage things..
Like for instance, there was this one boy, Leo from a co-ed High school close by. We would see him everyday at the train station and sometimes on the bus too.. We found out his name! basically we were eavesdropping on him and his friends conversation and the moment we heard it, we all looked at each other with massive grins. The very next day, when we saw him, we all screamed “LEO” at him and then when he turned round to see where it had come from, we all spun around and pretended to be doing something. Why did we do this? I have no idea! It was silly, it was immature but it made our fucking day! All day, it would be the topic of conversation! Yes, teenage girls are EASILY amused lmao!
My crush on Leo lasted about a year. We never spoke any words. EVER. Some of my friends had run up to him and said “my friend likes you” and some had intentionally walked into him and then we discussed how she should never wash her arm again.. Oh my god it was silly, but it was exciting! It was fun! It brought an exhilarating feeling whenever he was around!
Now as a grown up, it would feel pretty silly to do those kinds of things.. Mind you, my “radar” is still there, only now it’s a little more picky and a little less vocal, but im still getting a sore neck as I watch them leave my vision.. Especially when im drunk lol.
I definitely still get crushes. Only now, when im crushin on a guy, instead of sitting there and hiding, I grow a set of balls and go up to them.. And it usually ends in a naked romp :)
But then my crush is over… most times it leaves a let down kind of feeling, perhaps they didn’t live up to an expectation? The thrill of the chase over? Perhaps by approaching the crush it took the innocent fun away from it? Perhaps the crush was only ever meant to be that, a crush. wasn’t meant to be taken to another level? I really don’t know….
Its it normal for 32yr old ladies to still get crushes? Is it ok to just leave it as a crush and not act on it? Can a crush ever just be a crush?
I am crushin on a guy right now.. I have for a couple of months now. But this crush has a difference, he is overseas lol. I cant physically have him, but I really really would like to lol! Maybe that’s one factor that is keeping this crush in tact.. I can drool and leer from afar and taking it to the next level isn’t ruining the fantasy…this fantasy/crush could last a long time… who the hell knows lol!
But there is more than just screaming his name and then hiding at the bus stop, there is actual interaction, on a personal level and its fun, its flirty.. Its like dry humping with your clothes.. Taking me back to old days where when getting a sexy flirty message puts a cheeky grin on your face for hours LOL getting close to sexual stuff but not close at all.. Ahh.. The tease, the game.. I fuckin LOVE it!!!
At first I was crushin on him as a writer.. I liked his work.. But then holy crap, I saw a pic and I nearly passed out.. Ok that was an exaggeration, but I was blown away.. FUCKIN HOT and I mean like hot to me like “OMG did you SEEE that guy????? Oh my God, I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of bed” kind of way.. Personality and looks, wow… but about 20,000kms away.. Untouchable.
But defiantly crushable hahaha
See, now I can have the odd daydream.. One of those “just imagine…” moments.. Just imagine I went to the USA and we met up.. Or if he came to Oz, the “sights” I would show him…the airport scene, you know when two people meet for the first time, what it would be like.. Yes it gives the imagination things to work with, unknown things and I enjoy that.. I like letting my imagination run wild : )
Now ok don’t start thinking im like some crazy stalker lady.. No no no, Im not thinking of him all the time… only when I see a pic, or a tweet, or a new blog entry lol. The crush is visually stimulated hahaha. Im not sitting around the house thinking about him 24hrs a day, but when I catch a glimpse of him somewhere, that grin appears : )
Do other women my age gets these crushes still? Im assuming they do… its normal right? Will I have this crush forever? Do I need to fuck him to get it out of my system? Will I ever fuck him?
Argh… I think I need to go have a wank lmao!
You can visit my crush to see what all the fuss is about if you like -> http://thoushaltnotsteel.com