Friday, May 20, 2011
This Is What You Are Fucking With In The Long Run
You know what grinds my gears? People who bullshit.. tell me what i want to hear to butter me up and then take it back when it suits them.
It can be so cruel, so deceitful.. so heart breaking :(
One of the things thats closest to my heart right now, is my Fiji Mission. I think about it on a daily basis.. and by thinking about, i mean i sit and conjure up ways i could rob a bank, steal someones identity and take out a million dollar loan, find a tree that grows money.. you get the drift....and anyone who knows me or read the blog i did about my Mission, knows that its something that is pretty important to me!
And other people that know me VERY well, know, dont fuck with something that i love, cos it will end up messy.
People are fucking with my head!
No wait, not "people".. but 2 persons!
No wait. it could be just ONE person, fuckin with my head twice.. i have no idea.. that probably seems a more likely story tho..
So here's what happened...
Some of you may know, i put my Mission "out there".. i sort of out lined my plan and at the end, mentioned that investors/donations welcome. I had alot of people contact me and ask how they could help. With not much cash to spare, quite a few were more than happy to send over condoms, clothes etc etc.. every little bit helps!
Then i had a gentleman show financial interest.
No, hang on, he is no gentleman, lets call him "Jerk~off"
Jerk~Off sent a long email, patting me on the back, blah blah, major suck job on the ass kissing.. and it worked.. i fell hook, line and sinker. Claimed that he was always looking for investments like this.. that he liked doing good deeds.. and as he was a wealthy jerk off, he always had plenty of cash to throw around to deserving causes.
So apparently me and my Mission were a worthy cause! Omg! Yay!
He started to throw around figures.. asking how much i needed, what kind of budget i had worked out.. i told him, as this stage i would need about AU$100,000. He pulled out a number.. a number he said he would like to invest into the Mission...
I was shell shocked! I was excited! I was jumping out of my skin!
Jerk~Off and i continued exchanging emails! We were really getting somewhere! I thought in my head, my sense of reason "this is totally legit - OMG"
I was so convinced this was the real deal, i rang my mum and told her! She was just as excited! We started thinking of ways that this money was going to fasten the process and try and get me over to Fiji sooner than i had planned to start. We thought all our dreams came true!
Then came the email i hoped id never see...
"Im sorry, but another cause has come up and they need my help more than you do, good luck!"
That was it.
I was totally bummed... i replied that i understood and thank you for thinking of me anyways.. best wishes xx
And then i decided, fuck that, i am never getting my hopes up like that again. I am never going to let myself get caught up in the excitement... i am going to do this the hard way and save every penny i can and do this on my own.
The sucky thing was, for a few weeks there, Jerk~Off had me convinced that this was going to happen, so all my daydreams then were, i could be there in 6 months to a year, not the 1 to 2yrs it was originally guna take, i could start building the clinic, the shop.. my house! within 6 months. My day dreams became consuming.. this is really guna happen OMG! Thank you lord!... but then when he took the offer away, it crushed me. The day dreams went back to robbing banks etc, but it took ages for me to get back into the Mission.. it all felt at a loss if that makes sense.. like i had gone backwards...?
Then.... out of nowhere last week... an email.... not exact some words, a different story this time.. "Im a doctor, i do volunteer work all around the world and would love to help in both financially investing and Sexual health Clinic volunteer work on a regular basis"
OMG this guy, Jerk~Off~2 was the whole package! Not only was he able to invest cash, he was also able to invest his time!!! This was AWESOME!
But because of the original Jerk~Off, i was a bit more guarded in my responses back to this new one... but somewhere deep in my bones.. i was excited again.. the daydreams of things being done sooner started to emerge again.. i tried to shut them out.. but FUCK! It was no good... my hopes were well and truly up in the sky again!
What number was mentioned this time?
And then after endless emails regarding business plans, costings, swapping info for Fijian Government Bodies etc, i got the heart breaking, muscle ripping, eye gauging email...
"Im sorry, I can no longer help you, another cause has come up and they need my help more than you do, good luck!"
Hmmm.. that looks kinda familiar...hang on.. thats nearly identical to the first jerk~off email.....
Ok now people may say, "oh it might be a coincidence" and well that is true.. and people may say, "how can you call them jerk~offs, what if they were legit?" and well yes, its not very gracious to call people who offer you big amounts of cash to fulfill your lifetime dream jerk~offs.. but....
I think i have been played!
And in the nastiest possible way!
Get my hopes up.. Crush me
Get my hopes up again!! ... Crush me :(
I dont get how people can enjoy doing this to a person! And sure ok, i may just be a hooker with a stupid Mission, and a cheap ass country hooker at that, but ffs, cant they see how passionate i am about this and what good things it could do for a village in fiji? Do they understand what difference it could make to some girls life to have condoms available?? In a country with so many Sexual Transmitted Diseases?? (last time i checked they had the highest in the world for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea for 20-29yr olds) Why would some nasty person wana fuck with this? What kind of sick person gets off on making people who are tryin to help, absolutely gutted?????
Ok ive vented now...
I know its just me being foolish.. i know i shouldnt have taken them at their word...
I mean seriously... who the fuck would wana invest that much cash into someone like me...?
Not fucking many