Wednesday, January 5, 2011

This one time, at the strip club.....

Whenever you hear someone start a story with the line "Well.. i was at this strip club..." you know its guna be good LOL. This is the exception hahaha!

So it was a Saturday night.. i had travelled down to Melbourne for an adult industry drinks night. A night of hookers, punters, alcohol and lots of christmas cheer! These events are pretty low key, normally as an outsider, you would never think for a million years you are looking at a group of sex workers, strippers and clients. No, there isnt any sex or blowjobs, its all very upmarket, in fact it was held at a very nice Hotel ( i think its like 5stars or something) which was very classy and OMG they made the best Long Island Iced Teas!

Ooo while i remember, for the first time EVER, i actually had a bar tab! Do you know how cool that was! It was VERY cool lol. $100 later it didnt seem like that good an idea, but i was pleasantly pissed (drunk) and id had a great time meeting some new people and catching up with old friends.

A great way to celebrate the silly season!

After the drinks drew to an end, we decided to hit the strip clubs! Woohoooo! I love strip clubs! They rock! I love the atmosphere, the vibe, the music, the darkness, just everything about them.. even their supposed seediness. i dont see them as seedy, well not the ones in Australia. One i went to in Hawaii, now that was freakin seedy as hell.. but the Aussies ones are kinda like sexier night clubs lol.

So after watching a few girls, having a private show with a few others and lots of drinks, i needed a cigarette *gasp* shock horror, yes i smoke lol, so im outside in this verandah smoking area bit, talking to random people, all dudes, being my usual laughing out there self...then at some point i was blahhing on something, went to ash my cigarette and kinda slipped off the high stool i was sitting on.

You know when you start to fall and you kinda stumble first and its like in slow motion and you KNOW you're guna smash into the ground at some point, everyone is watching... yeah thats what happened to me. I stumbled to the left, could feel myself falling, couldnt get my footing right, put my hand out to brace myself.. BAD MOVE!

I landed like a dickhead, everyone asked if i was ok, of course i smiled and said i was fine, got up, sat on the stool and thats when i realised something was wrong with my left hand. I held it in my right hand on my lap..i casually looked down and when i saw my hand, i nearly passed out. "Thats not good", i thought to myself..

"Ah excuse me guys, im just heading to the ladies, wont be a minute" i said as i got up, left my cigarettes and lighter on the table, grabbed my bag, walked thru the strip club, trying to find a door, nearly passed out, didnt think i was going to make it out of the club.. BAM i hit fresh air outside and then i was on auto-pilot. Something told me "Hail a cab and get to hospital".. So i did.

As soon as i got to the hospital and filled out all their paperwork and finally just sat still.. the pain came. OMG it was fucking shocking! Ive never felt pain like it.. and i think i have a pretty high pain tolerance. This was not good at all.

Sitting all alone, at 5am in the Emergency department, in high heels, in tremendous amounts of pain, i sat there and cried. Now those that read my blog, you will know i dont do crying very well.. but i could not control it. And i didnt care who saw me. I didnt howl like a baby, i sat there and was silent, but those tears streamed down my face. Fuck me dead, that pain was crazy..and im thinking being drunk and alone, i kinda felt a bit sorry for myself too lol.

The diagnosis was a dislocated thumb. They were going to have to "locate" it, by moving it into place. When they attempted this, the pain was too much to bear.. 5 shots of morphine... no change, happy gas... no change.. so they had no choice but to put me under anaesthetic.

I was happy for 2 reasons..
1. i didnt have to feel them put my thumb back in place and
2. i could finally have some sleep (it was 10am at this point)

When i woke up from my awesome nap, the doctor said everything went fine...and then i noticed the plaster cast on my arm! WTF! They never mentioned i would have plaster! OMG NO! This did not go down well.. i wanted to cry again but i did not lol. I had been looking forward to a great summer and xmas.. and now i couldnt do alot of the things i had planned.. bummer...

So yeah, i have a plaster on my arm, it has to stay on for another week and a bit.. i have to be mega careful with it for a few weeks and apparently i could have pain in that hand for 12months.. and if i fuck it up, i could have a thumb that dislocates really easily forever... not a happy thought.

So im taking it pretty easy, im not working at the moment, i mean lets face it, who wants to see a hooker with plaster LOL but i am concerned about when i go back to work.. will i spend the entire time holding my hand, protecting it from injury? Will i be able to relax and enjoy my time? Will that part of my arm that has been in plaster be so white from no sun exposure that it turns the guy off? Oh dear, too many questions! Im sure i will be ok, but i certainly wont be hanging from the chandeliers any time soon lol


  1. yeah no dude is gonna be worried about a pale hand :)nice to have you back.

    And I'm wondering if we visited the same strip club in Hawaii. In Honolulu, upstairs in the building? Cause that place was rather seedy :)

  2. lol aw thanks babe x x glad to be back :)
    I cant remember exactly where the strip club was i went to in Hawaii, but it was close to the airport, it was on ground level and it was dark, dodgy and not like the ones here lol.. but it was still kinda fun :)